Let's go through a common event, one that we all have experienced. A police officer has pulled up behind you. Lights flashing, that crunch-crunch-crunch as he stomps his way over the asphalt. Your window is already open 'cause you know the drill, and your butt is clenched so tight an onlooker would think you're three inches taller than you really are. "You know why I … [Read more...]
Blurbs that Bore, Blurbs that Blare
There seem to be a lot of misunderstandings about the back cover copy—the “blurbs” that so many writers have to put on the back of their books. In Ye Olden Tymes, some person who was paid to do stuff like that—meaning, a fellow who probably looked like a dumpier version of a Mad Men character—would take care of the blurb as part of the deal a writer got when they were … [Read more...]
The ONLY Three Rules You MUST NOT BREAK
Writers are fond of finding exceptions. It’s part of who we are, I guess. I mean, if we were people who liked following rules we’d already be in a more “normal” profession. We’d be doctors. Or lawyers. Or terrorists. Anything but these free-wheeling weirdos for whom “Pants Optional” is a huge job perk. So good luck finding a “writing rule” that really IS a rule. IMAGINARY … [Read more...]
Typing Down and Dirty – Gettin’ ‘Er Done Fast, Gettin’ ‘Er Done Right
Something I’m often asked about is how I manage to write so quickly. I’m also often asked about how I manage to murder with a smile on my face, and why Honey Boo-Boo is so popular with the American public. Two of these questions are Deep Mysteries, only answerable by God and perhaps certain network television execs. One of them, however, is within my grasp and … [Read more...]
A Snowball’s Chance in Marketing
I recently received an email from someone on my “official Michaelbrent Collings Facebook Fan Page” (which is still kinda weird to have, truth be known), asking in essence what he could do to sell his books to more than just his close personal friends and family… and promising me a kiss on the lips if I could help him out. Now, first of all, please let me be clear: if you … [Read more...]
How to Write Terror That Chills
Fear is like laughter in that both rely on a good setup, then providing the unexpected. They are also both about delivery. Ever heard a good joke that was killed by someone who had no sense of timing or who let the setup go on far too long? Terror is the same way. What do you want to write about? A serial killer? A ghost? A ghoul? A girlfriend? Though all can be … [Read more...]
I Love You, I Love You, I Love You…Now Publish Me!
A few months ago I had a phone call. It went like this: "Michaelbrent! Hey, it's John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.*" "Hey, JJJS," said I. 'Cause that's how I roll, baby. "What's up?" "Not much," he said. "Hey, I know we haven't talked in about five years, but thanks for sending me an update every so often." "Welcome," I said. I am pithy that … [Read more...]
Speling Matturs
“What do you dew when everyone you know – friends, family, everyone – is trying to kill you? You RUN.” The above is the tagline for my amazon.com bestseller, RUN. Or rather, it isn’t. The tagline actually reads: “What do you do when everyone you know – friends, family, everyone – is trying to kill you? You RUN.” It’s a small difference – only one word. But … [Read more...]
Write, Dangitall! Kiss Writer’s Block Goodbye
A Humble Little Post About how to Kiss Your Writer’s Block Goodbye (And Maybe Punch it in the Crotch on the way out) I'll always remember it. Late in the spring of ’82 when I was young and the world was spread before me like something that spreads before you when you’re young. So I walked into the O.R. and said, “Scalpel.” The lady (I think it was probably a nurse, but … [Read more...]